Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 43 (Round 3 Day 5- and the weekend)
Ah the weekend. Something most people look forward too. Not so in my case. But Friday was fine and so far Saturday has been ok. The nurses said I should load up on the optional nausea meds. To help with the drop off of the 5 days chemo. So I did today- no hero stuff of trying to avoid pills. Just gotta get through Sunday and hope things get back to normal on Monday like they did Round 1 and 2. Here's to getting through the weekend! I am always trying to figure out words to describe day 6 and 7. I've been told: Vague, or Droopy- just an out of body experience where you just don't feel quite right. Oh well, I got one more round to find the right description for this most peculiar feeling.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 42 (Round 3- Day 4)
Thursday done, Friday today- still feeling good. I heard a nurse say to a patient the other day as he was done his last chemo treatment. She said, "It was nice to meet you, I hope I never see you [in here] again!" Probably one of the nicest things I have heard in that chemo ward. I can't wait till they say that to me! Probably one of the few situations where you can get away with saying something like that.
I finish up day 5 today. Then there is day 8 and 15 and round 3 will be done. I consider the end of this weekend the end of round 3. Day 8 and 15 are usually fine. It is this weekend that I am weakest. But round 3 hasn't felt much different- perhaps a little more fatigue and maybe I am used to the little bouts of nausea and the hiccups now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The end of round 4.
When I started chemotherapy, I began making a list of people on my blackberry of every person I met during chemo treatment. Their family and friends that came as support people. Also the doctors and nurses that have been treating me. The list is pretty long now. I pray for them almost daily- for healing and peace. I know some of them are praying for me in their own religion and faith. This cancer community is huge. Everytime I walk through that 6th floor building, it doesn't matter who you share an elevator with- everyone is there to fight. Fight on their own behalf or working to fight for someone else. Fighting for someone they may not even know. Someone who doesn't even have cancer yet, but will one day benefit from their research and hard work. The nurses keep telling me that the protocol that I am in right now, was changed for the better merely 6 months ago. Meaning if I was going through chemo earlier, I would be having a way worse time. Timing is everything and everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that, more than ever now.
Thank you Sandra and James for The Book of Awesome- looks like an interesting read!
gil
I finish up day 5 today. Then there is day 8 and 15 and round 3 will be done. I consider the end of this weekend the end of round 3. Day 8 and 15 are usually fine. It is this weekend that I am weakest. But round 3 hasn't felt much different- perhaps a little more fatigue and maybe I am used to the little bouts of nausea and the hiccups now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The end of round 4.
When I started chemotherapy, I began making a list of people on my blackberry of every person I met during chemo treatment. Their family and friends that came as support people. Also the doctors and nurses that have been treating me. The list is pretty long now. I pray for them almost daily- for healing and peace. I know some of them are praying for me in their own religion and faith. This cancer community is huge. Everytime I walk through that 6th floor building, it doesn't matter who you share an elevator with- everyone is there to fight. Fight on their own behalf or working to fight for someone else. Fighting for someone they may not even know. Someone who doesn't even have cancer yet, but will one day benefit from their research and hard work. The nurses keep telling me that the protocol that I am in right now, was changed for the better merely 6 months ago. Meaning if I was going through chemo earlier, I would be having a way worse time. Timing is everything and everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that, more than ever now.
Thank you Sandra and James for The Book of Awesome- looks like an interesting read!
gil
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 41
June takes her camera everywhere and it's amazing the moments she captures. Rhys sits on my lap and we go through them and she names all her friends and her aunties and uncles. Father/daughter bonding at its best. She will also point out pics where I used to have hair and ask what happened daddy? I wonder where she gets her sarcasm from?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day 40
Maybe it's because I am officially past the halfway mark. In fact, tomorrow is wed, which will put me over the halfway mark of round 3. I am looking at putting this week in the books asap and then it's on to the last cycle. So today in chemo, I began to daydream. Let me take you for a walk in the twisted mind of Gil.
My daydream started off with what Coke accounts I was going to win back when I get back to work. When I went to the Langley Event Center, I was very impressed with what my team had done there. I started thinking about changes at work and how to carry out efficiencies and bring up the market share on my side of the business. (Now while my boss and partner in crime at work might smirk at this daydream- the rest of you just think I'm nuts...please read on)
After the coke fantasy, my mind started wandering about what kind of foods I would eat after the treatment is over and I am given a clean bill of health. Maybe that double filet at Macdonalds. A ribeye steak at Outback Steakhouse. Any kind of fried chicken I could get my hands on. Not to mention hanging out with so many of you guys out there- whilst eating all this food. (It's touring season, Justin Cho! You wit me? You too Dave- Shanghai Breakfast, Noon and Dinner!)
After food, it was onto experiences. Maybe New York in the fall with June. Perhaps bring Rhys to Disneyland. Go work for Coke in London 2012 ( Paul- please put in a good word with Wayne for me).
Then the daydream/fantasy became a reality check. I have been blessed in this journey. Blessed to have strengthened my relationships with family and friends. Blessed to be able to tell everyone that I am handling this ordeal so well because of having a personal relationship with my saviour, Jesus Christ. I am closer to June than ever before. I love Rhys even more than I thought was humanly possible for a father to love their child. Yet realizing that God loves me even more than that and he shows me that every day. I began to think about how I am going to get involved in this fight against cancer. Volunteering my time and resources to the cause. Sharing my story and comfort to others around me that are or will be encountering this disease.
As you all know, I am a man that thrives under pressure and loves to multi-task. As I take this time off to fight the cancer, I am also taking time off to rest my body and mind and soul. I plan to come back leaner, faster, smarter (I know that may be a stretch), and braver. My new perspective on life will allow to me make a bigger difference- a bigger difference at work, at home, and in society. I learned a few days ago that Coke donated over 7 million dollars US to the Japan Relief fund. It made me proud to work for the company that his been so supportive in my time of need. Everyone that has stepped in to do my job- to an understanding boss that wants me back-only when I'm ready.
I learned today in my bible devotion that God is bigger than I could ever hope or dream. So it's ok to dream big. But I started small. I have met dozens of fellow cancer patients and when I see them again, I tell them that they have been in my prayers. I sometimes pray for them right there in the room. I see that it brings some of their spirits up...small steps...will lead to bigger ones.
My daydream started off with what Coke accounts I was going to win back when I get back to work. When I went to the Langley Event Center, I was very impressed with what my team had done there. I started thinking about changes at work and how to carry out efficiencies and bring up the market share on my side of the business. (Now while my boss and partner in crime at work might smirk at this daydream- the rest of you just think I'm nuts...please read on)
After the coke fantasy, my mind started wandering about what kind of foods I would eat after the treatment is over and I am given a clean bill of health. Maybe that double filet at Macdonalds. A ribeye steak at Outback Steakhouse. Any kind of fried chicken I could get my hands on. Not to mention hanging out with so many of you guys out there- whilst eating all this food. (It's touring season, Justin Cho! You wit me? You too Dave- Shanghai Breakfast, Noon and Dinner!)
After food, it was onto experiences. Maybe New York in the fall with June. Perhaps bring Rhys to Disneyland. Go work for Coke in London 2012 ( Paul- please put in a good word with Wayne for me).
Then the daydream/fantasy became a reality check. I have been blessed in this journey. Blessed to have strengthened my relationships with family and friends. Blessed to be able to tell everyone that I am handling this ordeal so well because of having a personal relationship with my saviour, Jesus Christ. I am closer to June than ever before. I love Rhys even more than I thought was humanly possible for a father to love their child. Yet realizing that God loves me even more than that and he shows me that every day. I began to think about how I am going to get involved in this fight against cancer. Volunteering my time and resources to the cause. Sharing my story and comfort to others around me that are or will be encountering this disease.
As you all know, I am a man that thrives under pressure and loves to multi-task. As I take this time off to fight the cancer, I am also taking time off to rest my body and mind and soul. I plan to come back leaner, faster, smarter (I know that may be a stretch), and braver. My new perspective on life will allow to me make a bigger difference- a bigger difference at work, at home, and in society. I learned a few days ago that Coke donated over 7 million dollars US to the Japan Relief fund. It made me proud to work for the company that his been so supportive in my time of need. Everyone that has stepped in to do my job- to an understanding boss that wants me back-only when I'm ready.
I learned today in my bible devotion that God is bigger than I could ever hope or dream. So it's ok to dream big. But I started small. I have met dozens of fellow cancer patients and when I see them again, I tell them that they have been in my prayers. I sometimes pray for them right there in the room. I see that it brings some of their spirits up...small steps...will lead to bigger ones.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 39
Well the nurses in cancer ward were torn emotionally when they heard the news that the doctors added a round 4. I think they were sad that I had to endure another round but so happy that they get to have me around longer. They tried to hide their excitement as I'm sure hoping that patients get more chemo is probably not open protocol. Haha. But I could see the secret joy in their eyes. I have accused them more than once of slowing the iv drip on me so they can have me around longer. What you gonna do right? I took this picture myself today. This is gil at chemo:
I look good right? My nurse today said I looked pretty good for a guy entering round 3. She sees a lot of patients and I don't think she was trying to make me feel better. Maybe it's because I haven't lost a ton of weight. I think some people equate that to chemotherapy. If you are a shell of your former self, then the chemo must be hitting you hard. But if you are still chubby like me, then you are doing ok. Hmmm. I just had more fat to chemo weight loss ratio. I started with a bigger base than chemo is used to breaking down. So 10-15 pounds weight loss on me just looks like I wore a bigger shirt that day I guess. And the bald head makes me look fatter. Oh well, it's a restricted diet this week so more pounds are coming off. Going down a few weight classes from light heavyweight to welterweight before all is done. So instead of fighting Anderson Silva, I would be fighting George St. Pierre. Nice.
I look good right? My nurse today said I looked pretty good for a guy entering round 3. She sees a lot of patients and I don't think she was trying to make me feel better. Maybe it's because I haven't lost a ton of weight. I think some people equate that to chemotherapy. If you are a shell of your former self, then the chemo must be hitting you hard. But if you are still chubby like me, then you are doing ok. Hmmm. I just had more fat to chemo weight loss ratio. I started with a bigger base than chemo is used to breaking down. So 10-15 pounds weight loss on me just looks like I wore a bigger shirt that day I guess. And the bald head makes me look fatter. Oh well, it's a restricted diet this week so more pounds are coming off. Going down a few weight classes from light heavyweight to welterweight before all is done. So instead of fighting Anderson Silva, I would be fighting George St. Pierre. Nice.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 38
Having all this time on my hands, you would think that I have pretty much run through every scenario in my mind. I think I have. Everything from what I am going to do once I get a clean bill of health- to what happens if things take a turn for the worse. Thinking about the future of myself, my family and my friends have lead me to many different revelations about life and how I used to live it. And how I choose to live it now. Yesterday, I realized that I need to stay in the present and not be so focused on the future. When it comes to medical treatment, I have been taking it day by day. On a personal level, I wonder if I have been too closed off.
My cousin and my aunt came over to visit. My aunt is my dad's oldest sister. As soon as she came into my place, tears of joy began to well. She was so happy to see that I was still chubby and looked relatively the same. She said she was so relieved to see that I wasn't frail looking. She said her prayers were answered and her heart was at peace now that she had seen me in person. Her husband, my uncle, has difficulty walking in his old age and is confined at home. So I went home with my aunt to see my uncle. He immediately began to tear up as I walked in the door. He said the same thing to me- how much better he felt as soon as he saw me. He said, except for the bald head, I looked pretty much the same. Later that night, I went to the AAA boys basketball final with a buddy. I ran into my co-worker Kary there. He had a big smile on his face when he saw that I was doing well. He told me he was gonna call up some of the guys from work and let them know. The relief that I saw on those 3 faces yesterday made me realize that there are a lot of people out there worried about me. Cancer will always bring about that kind of worry. I think I need to be more intentional in meeting up with people and giving a live status report. I guess it's easy to hide behind a blog or post a pic here and there and expect people to think I am ok. I start day 1 of round 3 tomorrow. Day 6 and 7 are usually my worst days and days 7-10 is when I need to watch myself around germs and public places. Outside of that, I want to make sure people in my life know I am ok by actually seeing me. It is all about the NOW- not the later. I suggested to June maybe we should throw a big party this week and invite everyone. She said no. No party, but definitely a coffee or a phone call might be cool.
Matthew 6:34- Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
My prayer: Dear God, I thank you for surrounding my life with such amazing people. Great friends and family members that I love and who love me back. I realize that many of them are worried about cancer and what it is doing to me. I pray Lord that you give them peace. The same peace that June and I have experienced through your love and grace the last few months. The peace that comes from knowing You. This peace I now ask to be over my friends and family. A peace that they can also come to experience in their own lives, when they are faced with trials and hardships. Thank you Lord for your love that transcends all understanding. I pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus, Amen.
My cousin and my aunt came over to visit. My aunt is my dad's oldest sister. As soon as she came into my place, tears of joy began to well. She was so happy to see that I was still chubby and looked relatively the same. She said she was so relieved to see that I wasn't frail looking. She said her prayers were answered and her heart was at peace now that she had seen me in person. Her husband, my uncle, has difficulty walking in his old age and is confined at home. So I went home with my aunt to see my uncle. He immediately began to tear up as I walked in the door. He said the same thing to me- how much better he felt as soon as he saw me. He said, except for the bald head, I looked pretty much the same. Later that night, I went to the AAA boys basketball final with a buddy. I ran into my co-worker Kary there. He had a big smile on his face when he saw that I was doing well. He told me he was gonna call up some of the guys from work and let them know. The relief that I saw on those 3 faces yesterday made me realize that there are a lot of people out there worried about me. Cancer will always bring about that kind of worry. I think I need to be more intentional in meeting up with people and giving a live status report. I guess it's easy to hide behind a blog or post a pic here and there and expect people to think I am ok. I start day 1 of round 3 tomorrow. Day 6 and 7 are usually my worst days and days 7-10 is when I need to watch myself around germs and public places. Outside of that, I want to make sure people in my life know I am ok by actually seeing me. It is all about the NOW- not the later. I suggested to June maybe we should throw a big party this week and invite everyone. She said no. No party, but definitely a coffee or a phone call might be cool.
Matthew 6:34- Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
My prayer: Dear God, I thank you for surrounding my life with such amazing people. Great friends and family members that I love and who love me back. I realize that many of them are worried about cancer and what it is doing to me. I pray Lord that you give them peace. The same peace that June and I have experienced through your love and grace the last few months. The peace that comes from knowing You. This peace I now ask to be over my friends and family. A peace that they can also come to experience in their own lives, when they are faced with trials and hardships. Thank you Lord for your love that transcends all understanding. I pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus, Amen.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Day 37
I went to see the doctor today. It was the pre-chemo check-up. Making sure that I was well enough to continue treatment starting Monday. My white blood cell count is healthy and normal and my blood work looks good. So onward to round 3 we go. Picked up a small skin infection so I am on antibiotics for that. The doc says until chemo is over and they do another ct scan and chest xray, there is nothing definitive they can tell me. But the blood work being normal is a good sign. Overall they are quite pleased with how well I am responding and how well my body is holding up. It's these appointments with the oncologists that really mess with your head. My track record isn't good when it comes to news from them so your mind can't help but wonder. It's hard not to have doubt creep in there.
1st meeting with oncologist- he told me that we won't know anything till after the ct scan
2nd meeting with oncologist- he told me that I didn't have cancer
3rd meeting with oncologist- he told me that now the cancer is back and we need to start chemo asap
4th meeting with oncologist- he told me he is adding 4th round of chemo
5th meeting with oncologist- he told me that I have 0.1% white blood cells which is very dangerous
6th meeting(yesterday) with oncologist- you have small infection but overall things are good
So you can see, so far, the good news to bad news ratio isn't great. At the end of the day, I go in with a positive attitude and we deal with whatever news we get. I guess the important meeting will be the one where he declares me cancer free in a few months. I do have to say that this experience has given me a new found respect for the medical profession. These people are miracle workers. Everyone from the receptionist to the nurses to all the doctors- they play such a crucial part in making sure sick people are taken care of not only medically but also emotionally as well. Much love to my friends who are in the medical profession; Deb, Kelly, Prince, Kate, Tai, and my cousin, Kelvin. Thank you for dedicating your lives to making people feel better.
1st meeting with oncologist- he told me that we won't know anything till after the ct scan
2nd meeting with oncologist- he told me that I didn't have cancer
3rd meeting with oncologist- he told me that now the cancer is back and we need to start chemo asap
4th meeting with oncologist- he told me he is adding 4th round of chemo
5th meeting with oncologist- he told me that I have 0.1% white blood cells which is very dangerous
6th meeting(yesterday) with oncologist- you have small infection but overall things are good
So you can see, so far, the good news to bad news ratio isn't great. At the end of the day, I go in with a positive attitude and we deal with whatever news we get. I guess the important meeting will be the one where he declares me cancer free in a few months. I do have to say that this experience has given me a new found respect for the medical profession. These people are miracle workers. Everyone from the receptionist to the nurses to all the doctors- they play such a crucial part in making sure sick people are taken care of not only medically but also emotionally as well. Much love to my friends who are in the medical profession; Deb, Kelly, Prince, Kate, Tai, and my cousin, Kelvin. Thank you for dedicating your lives to making people feel better.
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