Day 52

Rhys has a new bedtime ritual. I have to sit in the chair beside her bed and wait for her to fall asleep before I can leave the room. So with the power of the iPhone, I am writing my blog on the rocking chair, while she falls asleep. I don't mind- makes me feel good that she wants me watching over her at bedtime. I use this time to read or play angry birds and sometimes I fall asleep before she does. Kids need the security of knowing that their parents are always there. I can understand that. I realize more and more how valuable this time is in her life. Cancer has given me he opportunity to spend precious time with my kid at such a crucial time of development in her life. My dad had 3 kids and Rhys was the first newborn he ever held. He was too busy working. June asked me the other day if I could say that cancer was the best thing that happened to me. I don't think I am quite there yet but I can say this: There have been many blessings in disguise that have come from being sick. Blessings and experiences that I may never get again. For that I am eternally grateful to this disease.

Here's me getting my final dose of meds for round 3

Round 3- Done (day 50 & 51)

The other day during my church's homegroup get together, the question was asked about what kind of legacy we wanted to leave behind.  As parents, most of our answers surrounded how we wanted our kids to turn out.  Completing my 3rd round and waiting to start my 4th and final round this Monday, I started to think about legacy--for me personally.   Lance Armstrong beat cancer and then went on to win 7 straight Tour de France's.  Many cancer survivors end up running marathons and triathalons and other such things.  I think it's the whole "new lease on life" attitude.  I have no aspirations to win any bike races or any race for that matter.  I feel like many of the changes have happened already during the last few months.  But there is something to be said for me having not a "new" attitude but perhaps a "slightly tweaked" attitude on how I am going to approach life.  I have been giving it some thought.  What should be my "thing" after cancer.  My nurse at chemo today gave me the answer.  She was my first day nurse and I've been in her treatment room the most since then.  We have become friends.  Today we discussed an action plan on how we would tackle the side effects for round 4.  We analyzed what worked for round 1 and 2 and what changed in round 3 that made it tougher.   Factored in the fact that round 4 is just supposed to be tougher regardless and we hatched out a plan.  Then she said, "there is always something more we can do".  She explained that there is protocol and then there is other off treatment things that the emergency ward and the other floors can do for me if the nausea becomes unbearable or if I get an infection.  Anything to keep me comfortable in the last round.  It made me feel good-- made me think about kicking round 4 in the junk rather than having it kick my ass.

There is always something more we can do.   That is what I want to see in my life.  Often times, I know I can do more, but there is always an excuse.  This goes for work, family, relationships, friendships and pretty much all facets of my life.  I am too tired.  I got a kid.  I got a June.  I don't feel like it.  And lately-  I got cancer.   But I know I can go the extra step- whether it be praying for a friend, reading God's word, helping June around the house or just taking the extra time to teach Rhys something rather than just resorting to chucking her up in the air and tickling her.   Sometimes just being there for someone is more.  I don't know if there is any kind of trophy or prize for something like this- I am sure I can get something made up to commemorate.  Perhaps convert an old golf trophy from my father in-law.   Haha.

I know many of you have not contacted me because you want to give me space.  I appreciate it.  But if you wanna chat, let me know, email or text- I got an iphone now- I am ready anytime, anyplace, anywhere.  

The Weekend--Day 48 & 49

Balance.  It's been on my mind a lot.  So much of my life lately has revolved around this word.

Meds:  The doctors and I manually adjust my assortment of anti-nausea meds to counter the chemo side effects.  Coming off the first 5 days of each round, I have to taper off the meds in order to try and get through the weekend.  I don't want to take too much anti nausea because they have their own side effects but I do need them to counter sickness.  I am also on neupogen shots to get my white blood cells up for the next round.

Life:  Right now my life is obviously imbalanced.  I keep thinking about time spent with my family, working, and recreation.  Was I living a balanced lifestyle before?  What changes have I made or will make to live a more balanced life?  As I approach my last round, these are questions I ask myself all the time.  I have been spending time with my friends lately- is it enough? Too much? Not enough?  Is June sick of having me at home yet???


Food:  Even trying to figure out a balanced diet is tricky.  What can I eat? What can't I eat.  Doctors orders, research into cancer treatments, my mom and her oncological mythology- balance, balance, balance.

God:  My pastor gave a great sermon Sunday on spiritual balance.   What God wants for me is also a balanced lifestyle. (it will be available on the tenth website soon, sermon was april 3, 2011- http://www.tenth.ca)


Balance- how many people out there truly live a balanced life.  Are we skewed and slanted in one direction or another?  It's something I am trying to wrap my head around and wondering what changes I need to make in all aspects of my life to bring balance.

Took me a while to get this one out.  Tomorrow is last treatment of round 3.  Yippee!

Day 47

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrIWy42sC6U

Tim Hughes-  Everything

God in my living, There in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping

God in my resting, There in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything

God in my hoping, There in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting

God in my laughing, There in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything




My mom and dad tries to be there for me all the time, my brother and sister too.  Same with June.  I try to be there for Rhys all the time.  I can't.  We can't.  We can't be everything to everyone that we want.  But we can try.   

Day 46

Ok- I have a confession to make.  I went to work today.  Yup, I said it.  I'm not going to lie.  I was alive.   Haha.  Well, I went to work to visit today.  It was good to see everyone.  Weird to be a bystander.  But still good to be in the presence of Coke.  You sometimes don't realize how much time you actually spend with you co-workers.  Acquaintances become friends, friends become life long buds.  I think I spend more time talking to some guys at work than my own wife. She don't understand!  Weird isn't it.  I talk about the Coke family and people look at me like I am nuts or a cult member.  It really is a family.  You go through so much together, the job is just byproduct.  It's about the relationships and experiences you have along the way.  Still remember Kary and Tony training me as a rookie(red, black, silver, green, red, black, silver, green).  That seemed like yesterday when the short chubby asian kid didn't know to put the can of coke zero between the can of coke and diet coke.  Back then, I just wanted to drink the can of coke, not care where it went.  Nowadays I can spot a can out of place 100 feet away in a food court cooler.  Yup- working for coke is a disease- one in which there is no cure.  pepsi who?

Day 45

Due to my rough days, Rhys had to spend the last few days at mother's house.  When I went there today, she looked sad and said, "I don't like you."  I was devastated.  It's only been a few days- had she forgotten me already? When she finally realized that I wasn't there to take her away from grandma's she said, "I miss you dadda.  I love you." (Yes, apparently grandma's house is THAT much fun).  Sometimes I feel like I have the memory of a child.  I re-read some of my old blogs the other day.  I was surprised at some of the things that I wrote.  Maybe that's why it was important to keep a record.  I find myself having some short term memory loss of certain things.  Today as I prayed for my family and friends and various cancer patients, I found myself asking God about the future.  What does it hold for me?  I found the answer in the bible.  Where God told Joshua that he will be faithful and do what he said he would do.


⁵ No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

I took those words to heart.  More than anything, I want this experience that I have gone through to mean something.  To mean more than just a guy who got cancer and got cured.  I want it to mean that while I  was being cured, I renewed a relationship with a God who loves me and my family and my friends.  A God that I want to share with others that do not know him.  Deep down inside, June and I are preparing for a storm brewing in our lives.  A storm where other loved ones of ours will encounter hardship, disease, pain and suffering.  We want to be there and offer the support that we have gotten. A peace that transcends all understanding and logic.

Since I found out I had cancer- I have thought of death twice.  The first time was the sheer panic of the news, and death was a natural thought.  The second time was today- when I thought about my death, being a far and long way from now.  I have a lot more work to do.


I have been reading this book on awesome:  silly things, wanted to share some that brought a smile to my face.

little things we overlook, but are awesome;

1. flipping the pillow to the cool side in the middle of the night
2. when babies high five you or give you a pound
3. being the first table called at a wedding buffet

Day 44 (Monday- Day 8 Round 3)

Last year around this time, June and I were enjoying the spoils of a work incentive I had won through Coke.  We had taken our talents to  South Beach, Miami- enjoying a Raptors road trip and checking out tennis at the Sony Ericsson open.  Hanging out with our bud Esther.   What a difference a year makes.

Last year I was enjoying life and this year, I appreciate life.  Similar but not the same.  Well this has been a tougher Monday but tomorrow is another day.  I know many people are praying for my recovery in this round.  Many thanks.  Slowly but surely... the toxins will leave the body.