Day 57

I walked into my chemo room with my nurse Sue chanting, "last round, last round, last round!"  It's amazing how in tune they are with our treatments- how we are doing and how much left to go.  They are genuinely happy for us when we near the end of our stay there.  The doctors I see once every 2-3 weeks.  They chart my progress via all the blood tests so it's probably better that I don't see them often.  It means nothing is wrong and everything is going to plan.  The nurses however, I see everyday.  I  don't if it's the chemo drugs that have given me a heightened sense of observation. (or maybe it's because I just saw Bradley Cooper in Limitless)  I notice the same thing about every single nurse that has treated me.  They treat every single patient the same.  Always with a smile on their face and always going the extra mile.  No matter how  grumpy and rude some of these patients are and believe me, not everyone is Mr Sunshine like me.  Makes me think about how I treat people.  I meet not so nice people everyday- I do drive in Richmond for one thing.  I know it takes a special person to work in the medical field.  I don't know if I could do it but I could try to have their attitude- where everyone they meet get their highest level of care regardless.   Wouldn't this also be an example of showing Christ love.  Lofty goals, perhaps...but I think that as I am beginning to round 3rd base and head for home, I am thinking about changes as a person.  Diet, lifestyle and attitude.  Although I whined and guilted June until she bought me a PREMIUM fish sandwich at Wendy's yesterday.  Small steps in the diet area, haha.  It's back to no carbs and veggies this week, yeah.

Day 55 and 56

I don't know who reads my blog.  I have an idea because people tell me that they do.  Seems some of you have alias' or I must have a lot of friends that are gangsta rappers.  Cbo, d-lo, 5speed, big mama, cabin23, upchuck, - you crazy kids with your crazy nicknames.

  I just wanted to extend an invitation to everyone out there in cyberspace to my church's Easter service.  If you don't already have a church service to go to, come out to our Easter Sunday celebration, April 24th.  It would be cool if you came out.  It's called Tenth Avenue Alliance on 11 West 10th Avenue (and Ontario).  We have 3 services- 9:30, 11:30 and 7pm.  June, Rhys and I will be at the 11:30 service.  We sit in the front, right side pews.  I know some of you haven't seen me in a while.  So you can come to church and also see me afterwards.  Coincidentally, Easter Monday, the 25th will be my last chemo treatment.  So celebration is in order and June and I would love to see you and chat.

Tomorrow is the start of day 1 round 4.  Last round is supposed to be the hardest.  I am thinking it's going to be my easiest round.  Attitude is everything.  Knowing it's my last round- I feel good.  Even my 32 hair follicles on my head have stopped falling out.  The words of Chris Tomlin's song, I Will Rise, keep ringing in my head.

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"


Jesus has overcome 
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead


And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Round 4...FIGHT! (streetfighter reference)

Day 53 and 54

Rhys asked for a baby sister the other day.  Then had a meltdown when I told her that it's gonna have to wait til Daddy gets better.  She was also quite adamant that she wanted to have the baby and not June.  And she was going to eat all her vegetables and strawberries in order to have a baby.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  Seeing as how another kid isn't in the works right now, we will have to be satisfied in having Rhys be a big sister to other people's kids.  Good thing we got lots of babies around.

Medical update:  Saw the oncologist today.  Looks like my body is recovering nicely and ready for round 4.  White blood cell count healthy.  Platelets healthy.  All major organs functioning well.  So I start round 4 on Monday.  Will have my last treatment April 25.  I will then get a CT scan and chest X-ray the week of May 24th.  That's when I find out the status of the lymph nodes and cancer cells in my body.  One thing at a time.  I am just going to concentrate on getting through next week and take it from there.  I want to thank everyone for their continued prayers and thoughts.  We will celebrate my good health soon.  Can't wait.


More than that, "we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  Romans 5:3-5


I am getting restless, chomping at the bit.  Couldn't help myself.  Went to work today to attend a meeting.  I didn't have to be there- my team can handle it.  They did handle it.   I just wanted to be included, haha.  My partner in crime, D Kam is soon going to have my security pass revoked at the gate to keep me from coming in until I am healthy.  Ah well.  No more work til the doctor says ok.  Well, we'll see.

Day 52

Rhys has a new bedtime ritual. I have to sit in the chair beside her bed and wait for her to fall asleep before I can leave the room. So with the power of the iPhone, I am writing my blog on the rocking chair, while she falls asleep. I don't mind- makes me feel good that she wants me watching over her at bedtime. I use this time to read or play angry birds and sometimes I fall asleep before she does. Kids need the security of knowing that their parents are always there. I can understand that. I realize more and more how valuable this time is in her life. Cancer has given me he opportunity to spend precious time with my kid at such a crucial time of development in her life. My dad had 3 kids and Rhys was the first newborn he ever held. He was too busy working. June asked me the other day if I could say that cancer was the best thing that happened to me. I don't think I am quite there yet but I can say this: There have been many blessings in disguise that have come from being sick. Blessings and experiences that I may never get again. For that I am eternally grateful to this disease.

Here's me getting my final dose of meds for round 3

Round 3- Done (day 50 & 51)

The other day during my church's homegroup get together, the question was asked about what kind of legacy we wanted to leave behind.  As parents, most of our answers surrounded how we wanted our kids to turn out.  Completing my 3rd round and waiting to start my 4th and final round this Monday, I started to think about legacy--for me personally.   Lance Armstrong beat cancer and then went on to win 7 straight Tour de France's.  Many cancer survivors end up running marathons and triathalons and other such things.  I think it's the whole "new lease on life" attitude.  I have no aspirations to win any bike races or any race for that matter.  I feel like many of the changes have happened already during the last few months.  But there is something to be said for me having not a "new" attitude but perhaps a "slightly tweaked" attitude on how I am going to approach life.  I have been giving it some thought.  What should be my "thing" after cancer.  My nurse at chemo today gave me the answer.  She was my first day nurse and I've been in her treatment room the most since then.  We have become friends.  Today we discussed an action plan on how we would tackle the side effects for round 4.  We analyzed what worked for round 1 and 2 and what changed in round 3 that made it tougher.   Factored in the fact that round 4 is just supposed to be tougher regardless and we hatched out a plan.  Then she said, "there is always something more we can do".  She explained that there is protocol and then there is other off treatment things that the emergency ward and the other floors can do for me if the nausea becomes unbearable or if I get an infection.  Anything to keep me comfortable in the last round.  It made me feel good-- made me think about kicking round 4 in the junk rather than having it kick my ass.

There is always something more we can do.   That is what I want to see in my life.  Often times, I know I can do more, but there is always an excuse.  This goes for work, family, relationships, friendships and pretty much all facets of my life.  I am too tired.  I got a kid.  I got a June.  I don't feel like it.  And lately-  I got cancer.   But I know I can go the extra step- whether it be praying for a friend, reading God's word, helping June around the house or just taking the extra time to teach Rhys something rather than just resorting to chucking her up in the air and tickling her.   Sometimes just being there for someone is more.  I don't know if there is any kind of trophy or prize for something like this- I am sure I can get something made up to commemorate.  Perhaps convert an old golf trophy from my father in-law.   Haha.

I know many of you have not contacted me because you want to give me space.  I appreciate it.  But if you wanna chat, let me know, email or text- I got an iphone now- I am ready anytime, anyplace, anywhere.  

The Weekend--Day 48 & 49

Balance.  It's been on my mind a lot.  So much of my life lately has revolved around this word.

Meds:  The doctors and I manually adjust my assortment of anti-nausea meds to counter the chemo side effects.  Coming off the first 5 days of each round, I have to taper off the meds in order to try and get through the weekend.  I don't want to take too much anti nausea because they have their own side effects but I do need them to counter sickness.  I am also on neupogen shots to get my white blood cells up for the next round.

Life:  Right now my life is obviously imbalanced.  I keep thinking about time spent with my family, working, and recreation.  Was I living a balanced lifestyle before?  What changes have I made or will make to live a more balanced life?  As I approach my last round, these are questions I ask myself all the time.  I have been spending time with my friends lately- is it enough? Too much? Not enough?  Is June sick of having me at home yet???


Food:  Even trying to figure out a balanced diet is tricky.  What can I eat? What can't I eat.  Doctors orders, research into cancer treatments, my mom and her oncological mythology- balance, balance, balance.

God:  My pastor gave a great sermon Sunday on spiritual balance.   What God wants for me is also a balanced lifestyle. (it will be available on the tenth website soon, sermon was april 3, 2011- http://www.tenth.ca)


Balance- how many people out there truly live a balanced life.  Are we skewed and slanted in one direction or another?  It's something I am trying to wrap my head around and wondering what changes I need to make in all aspects of my life to bring balance.

Took me a while to get this one out.  Tomorrow is last treatment of round 3.  Yippee!

Day 47

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrIWy42sC6U

Tim Hughes-  Everything

God in my living, There in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping

God in my resting, There in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything

God in my hoping, There in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting

God in my laughing, There in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything




My mom and dad tries to be there for me all the time, my brother and sister too.  Same with June.  I try to be there for Rhys all the time.  I can't.  We can't.  We can't be everything to everyone that we want.  But we can try.