Wed, July 13, 2011

I get another check up tomorrow.  Suppose to be a "routine" check up.  I don't really think thats possible.  Deep down inside, there is always a part of you that wonders if it might come back.  Have tried not to think about it it.  Again, its is something that is beyond my control.  What I am currently fighting is a viral skin infection that isn't making me feel too great. 

I feel like God is trying to teach me a lesson in contentment.  Being happy and grateful for what I have.  Hebrews 13:5 come to mind:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
   “Never will I leave you;
   never will I forsake you

When you are sick, you think about all the things you are grateful for that you may have taken for granted in the past.  When you are well again, things get forgotten and you begin to take things for granted again.  There seem to be a lot of reminders around me that help me remember the last few months.  Even as I am typing this blog, I have to pause every few minutes because the numbness in my fingers makes it hard to type.  My doctors have told me its normal.  Apparently there was a lot of platinum in the chemo drugs and I have a lot of nerve damage.  Nerve damage takes time to heal, a lot of time.

I learned the other day about a few other people I know that have just been diagnosed with cancer and are beginning their battle.  They are in my prayers and thoughts every day.  That was just me a few months ago.  I don't think I will forget my battle any time soon.

I am off on a tangent.  Back to my original point.  Contentment.  I have been staring at the Ipad2 that June gave me for a week now.  It's still in the packaging...should I open it or trade up to 32gigs.  Ah the story  of my life.  I spend so much time upgrading or thinking about price per litres or grams, I rarely stop to think about whether I need all that extra_________, whatever it may be.  How much is enough?  Will I be happier or more fulfilled if I had a bigger place? Better car?  Taller?  haha.  Hmmm.

On a lighter note.  In the whole "new lease on life" persona, I have begun my adult swimming lessons.  First lesson last Thursday.  I walked into the pool and about 10 kids the age of Rhys looked at me as they jumped off the side of the pool and swam to their instructors and parents.  The whole place froze and looked at us when we walked in.  The lady that checked us in looked at our faces and said, "don't worry, its just gonna be you 4 and the instructor, these kids are done in a few minutes."  What a relief.  Who wants to be shown up by a 3 year old.  So my problem lies in breathing and kicking.  I watched the Guardian the other day with Chris to sike myself up.  I am ready for tomorrows lesson.  I WILL learn to swim.  Does anyone have adult water wings they want to lend me?  Ashton Kucher is the man!

July 6, 2011

My 35th birthday.  There was a time a few months ago where it briefly crossed my mind if I was going to make it to this day.  I know it sounds silly but for all the positive attitude I had during chemo, there were moments of weakness.  But it was but a moment and it passed.  I am now cancer free.  I have my next appointment on July 14.  It will be blood work and an x-ray.  I try not to dwell on these appointments.  No sense in worrying about something I have no control over.  Back to my birthday.  I always make it a point to congratulate my mother on my birthday.  I see it as its her day as well as mine, if not more so- after all, she did all the work that day, I just layed there and was born.  In the past I never wanted to make a big deal for my birthday.  No fanfare, no hoopla.  Just spend it with family or close friends and a few times just by myself.  This year, I decided to try something different.  If you google, free stuff for your birthday, you can find all sorts of places that give you free stuff on that day.  So let me tell you how its gone so far:

7:00am- woke up or rhys woke me up- unwrapped the gift that june bought me, IPAD 2- I love my wife (not because of the Ipad but I can see how that came across)

8:00am- I am at Denny's with my brother and sister enjoying my free Slam breakfast.  Well dan had to pay but mine was free- while we waited, dan busted out 2 lego transformer sets and we raced to see who could put it together faster- I smoked him of course (it would have been different if it was a GO-bot lego, I'm sure)

11:00am - doctor appointment

12:30am- free fish and chips at Pajo's in steveston- I am shameless.  Walked right up to the counter and declared, "Hi, I am here for my free birthday meal!"  2 piece Halibut fish and chips, nice( yes I threw the free pepsi drink in the trash and brought my own smartwater)

1:15- free starbucks drink- the cashier said I needed a birthday postcard.  I said its a postal strike.  The manager agreed with me- VENTI, iced, soy green tea latte, unsweetened

2:52- on my way to the mall, RW and co to use my 25% discount today

thats it for now, part 2 of my day may include- boston pizza (free pizza), mr sub (free sandwich), boathouse (free dessert), or dairy queen, buy one get one blizzard- although june will have to eat all the sweet stuff because I can't...

peace out

July 2, 2011

It's been a while.  Getting stronger as the days go by.  Sleeping less and feeling better.  Everything but the numbness in the hands.  Very annoying.  Apparently normal and will go away in a few months.  Took Rhys to her first Canada day celebration.  Steveston Salmon festival and parade downtown.  What a day.  That was yesterday.

Today was a new day.  Saw my cousins off back to England in the morning. Always good times when family gets together.  And the british accent is so suave and cool. June and I then went for a bike ride on the dyke to steveston.  You know what's a pretty good shot at your manhood- when your wife is towing the trailer with your daughter and you are not and everyone looks at you when they ride by.  Ah well- last time I went with the manhood deal and towed her- I suffered for 3 days afterwards.  Waiting for that "I had cancer- not just a wimpy dad" t- shirt in the mail.  Stupid postal strike.  haha

I was reminded again recently about how precious life is- listening the to Jim Rome show.  He had on a pro golfer named Erik Compton.  This guy had 2 heart transplants and had a heart attack with one of them and still survived.  He said a lot of stuff on the show that brought back some memories of my treatment.  He said he doesn't complain about things anymore.  He felt like it was his time, twice, and yet he survived.  Living on borrowed time he called it.  He lives each day like it's his last.  Enjoying every moment for all its worth.  Pretty inspirational. I think I still complain sometimes- gonna try and cut that out.  Hope everyone is  doing well.  If I haven't seen you yet- please call and we can arrange something.  Peace out...

June 18, 2011

I am beginning to outline certain events and landmarks in my life, post-cancer.  They seem to be more meaningful to me now.  Not that these events weren't important before but I definitely feel like I may have taken some things for granted in the past.  Since I finished my treatment, I have:

1.  attended my first wedding (laura and rays)

2. got my first haircut (thank you mrs wong)

3.  attended friend's kids birthday

4.  eaten a steak (thank you again laura and ray)

5.  rode my bike on the dyke

6.  watched a movie in a theatre

7.  my first father's day

things I may have taken for granted before...no more

June 12, 2011

When I first got diagnosed with cancer, I remember my mindset toward the future.  There was obviously a lot of hope mixed with occasional despair and doubt. Andis would say to me all the time, "you gonna be alright, you know that, right."  A lot of people encouraged me in many different ways, telling me how I was going to beat this and be back to normal soon.  But I remember being at the mall and looking at a shirt.  It was a nice shirt, and on sale.  I picked it off the rack and began to walk to the register, but then I stopped.  Even with all the confidence in my doctors, the treatment, and God, there was still doubt.  I thought to myself, should you really be investing in something that you might not be around to enjoy?  I know it sounds silly but those are the thoughts that went through my mind from time to time.  Don't waste your money on material things that you may not be able to enjoy if you are dead.  Funny how the human mind plays tricks with your soul.

A few weeks into my treatment, I got a wedding invitation in the mail. It was from our friends Laura and Ray.  I remember reading the invite and looking at the date.  June 11, 2011. My initial thought was, wow, that is months down the road, who knows what will happen in 3 months.  Would I be too sick to attend?  Would I be dead?  But then I realized how stupid that sounded.  This invitation was their way of encouraging me.  They were inviting me because they were contending that in a few months, I would be ok, and would be able to attend.   Sending back to rsvp via email was my way of reaffirming myself and where I would be in a few months.

So yesterday, at the wedding(which was an amazing, beautiful wedding)  I was overwhelmed with joy firstly because I was seeing 2 amazing friends, in love, getting married, and secondly because in a way, it felt like an accomplishment for me to attend.  I want to thank them for their encouragement months ago.  Who knew a wedding invite would mean so much.  So instead of being wheeled in on a wheelchair as I thought I would be a few months ago.  I was busting a groove on the dance floor with June.  God has used so many people and so many ways to continue to encourage me and show me his goodness, in sickness and in health.

You know you are old when 2 things happen at a wedding:

1.   a song comes on and you go, Yes, this is my jam- and all the young people leave the dance floor and go back to their seats

2.  you think you have been partying all night long and you are exhausted and just want to go home and sleep and you look at the time and its 9:34 pm

Congratulations Ray and Laura!

I bought a t shirt the other day.  I plan to wear it a lot.  It is a canuck shirt...GO CANUCKS GO!

June 11, 2011

It's 2:00am. I am sitting in he rocking chair in Rhys' room because she has woken up and won't go back to sleep. Seems like a chore right, to sit here for hours waiting for your child to fall asleep. I mean, how much angry birds and words with friends can one play? For some reason, I never get tired of this. This is our father daughter time. I read or pray or play on my iPhone and she sleeps peacefully knowing her father is right there. Most of the time, I fall asleep before she does. Everyone keeps telling me that I should cherish this time because it won't happen again. Seeing as I am not expecting to get cancer again. I tend to agree. Watching her grow up before my eyes these last few months has reaffirmed that June was right about not working during the day so she could be a part of her development at this age.

Just a quick medical update. I am still feeling fine. Just get tired very quickly and fingers are constantly numb. The Canucks aren't helping to keep my stress levels down that's for sure. I thought about praying for a win but I remember what my pastor said a few weeks ago. God usually sides with the better team. Which is still the Canucks so we should be good. One more win- I can't believe it. Anyways. Hope to see all of you soon. Anyone who is interested in volunteering up at anvil please email me at gilyeung@live.com.

Later, Gil

June 3, 2011

It's amazing how fast life goes back to normal.  Well almost normal.  Most adults don't take daily naps (except you, Will).  The aches and pains are supposed to go away.  After a while, I wonder if I will just forget about them because I am used to it.  Then the doctor called yesterday, to see how I was doing.  It's funny how the heart skips a beat when I see the BC Cancer Clinic show up on the caller ID.  Everyday Rhys asks me if my hair is growing back and if I am FUZZY DADDY.   Yes, the hair is growing back and I have my sights set on a Bradley Cooper-type look soon.

I always wonder if I am going to subconsciously put the past behind me.  Lately, God has reminded me through others around me that you can move forward and still look back.