Another landmark today. Rhys went to preschool and didn't cry. She has been crying for a month straight everytime June or I brought her. Today, my brother, mom and dad brought her... not one tear. We always ask her why she cries when we bring her and then is ok when we leave. She always tells us it's because she misses us. When I asked her why she didn't cry today. She screamed...it's because I don't miss uncle Dan, yeah!!! Seriously, amidst all the yelling and tantrums, this kid cracks me up.
Thanks for all that came out last last Sunday to hear me share at church. It meant a lot to see you there. Big shout out to Rosy and Kelv from Pacific Grace (you know you are old when you're former youth group kids are graduating from univeristy). Thanks for the baby that cried in the third service and let me attempt a "shigematsu" as I call it. Gonna have to come to tenth to find out what that means. Seriously though, so much respect for all my pastors at Tenth. 4 sermons in one day- amazing. Really sinks in when you listen to all 4 sermons too. I recommend that to all. Just try it once, go to all 4 services, I guarantee you will get something different from each one.
If you missed it, its online if you want to check it out:
http://www.tenth.ca/media.php?pageID=29
and if you rather just read: here is what I shared.
It was about a year ago when I started feeling sick and the doctors couldn’t figure out why. They decided to cut me open for some exploratory surgery. When they did, they found a tumor and removed it. Following that, I waited for two weeks for a CT scan and results. The word cancer is usually associated with panic and fear. And that is exactly what happened. I ran through every worse case scenario in my head. Everytime I looked at my 3 year old daughter, Rhys, I choked up at the thought of not being around for her. I laid beside my wife, June at night and wondered about her future. This fear and panic lasted one week. That’s all it took for God to get a message through my thick skull. I’ve known God almost my whole life and realized that my relationship to him was strictly, boss/worker or teacher/student. For the first time, I entered a father/son relationship with him. He was there holding me and my family in his hands at a time when we didn’t know what to do.
When I shared the news with my small group- I told them how I felt a bit of shame and guilt for clinging to God in this time of need. One of the mothers said to me: You know when our children are sick and they come to us for comfort, we don’t push them away and say, “you didn’t listen to me yesterday or you didn’t eat your vegetables at dinner”, we still love them and hold them- that’s what God will do for you. Ken put it best in a sermon a few months ago. When we are faced with losing what is most important to us- it opens the door to draw closer to God. And through cancer, I had drawn closer to God
Through my daily prayer and devotion, God threw scripture after scripture at me for comfort, one of the first verses he revealed to me was Matt. 11:28
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
By the time the day of results came, I felt peace. Now I am generally not a peaceful guy. I am kinda neurotic, paranoid, uptight and a bit of a spaz- yup my wife is a lucky woman. I am the guy that checks the stove constantly before he leaves the house- I go back and check the door knob after getting into my car to make sure the house is locked. I am that guy. But there was none of that.
When the doctor told us that the cancer was gone and seemed to be contained in the tumor that was removed- I felt great but it wasn’t a rushing, overwhelming sensation of relief associated with that kind of news. Just peace knowing that everything was in God’s hands. The doctors said they would keep scanning me frequently for the next few years in case it comes back.
6 weeks later, on my very next checkup- the doctor told me that the cancer was back. The panic rose again briefly and then subsided literally while I was in his office. I called June and told her the news and that I was going to go through chemotherapy. I remembered reading Lance Armstrong’s book about his battle with cancer and a line from his doctor explaining his chemotherapy treatment-he said, “I am going to kill you everyday and then bring you back” that’s how we are going to beat this.
The side effects from my treatment was suppose to be massive nausea, fatigue and nerve damage. June was more scared about the chemo than the cancer. But I had so much support from family and friends- many from this congregation. Ken and his whole staff here at tenth was praying for me. It didn’t feel like we were facing this alone.
I went through 4 consecutive rounds of chemo. Out of 90 days in treatment, I had maybe 4 bad days, my biggest side effect for a while was hiccups. The doctors and nurses in the ward kept saying I was handling the chemo better than anyone they had ever seen.
During the treatment, a few other things began to happen. I started a daily blog to update people on my status- my co workers and friends read it and it opened up all these conversations about my faith and God. I began sharing my faith and praying for random cancer patients in the ward. They were stuck in there with me for 3 hours a day so they were forced to listen me. Hard to tell the cancer patient to shut up.
My family became my rock, I saw my younger brother become the man of the house in my sickness and our relationship became stronger than ever. I saw my mom and dad put on a brave face everyday even though her child was sick and she knew she couldn’t do anything about it besides pray . My sister was there for whatever we needed, no matter what it was. Friends came from all over the city to drive me to chemo and sit there with me.
Through it all, God continue to hold us in his arms. June and I would be up late at night talking and I would ask her, are you ok, no really are you ok, like really ok, would you tell me if you were not, Then I would accuse her of being too ok with the situation, and we would have a laugh about that-we were both calm and at peace…I cant explain it.
On Aug 9,this year, I was proclaimed cancer free. The doctor said it is very unlikely that the cancer will come back. I thought to myself- that’s what you said last time. But you know what- It doesn’t matter- because I know whatever happens in my life- God isn’t just with me, he is carrying me through it.
There’s a song I have known since I was 8 years old and I didn’t truly understand the power of the lyrics until now
My peace I give unto you
It’s a peace that the world cannot give
It’s a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, Peace to live,
My Peace I give unto you
