Haven't blogged in a while. I told myself a while ago that I wanted this blog to let people know how I was doing. Made myself promise to not just blog for the sake of blogging but only when I felt I had something to say. I spent the last few days resting, hanging with friends and family and finally the big day is here. Well, I guess one of the big days. Today is my last treatment. There are more big days to come. But tomorrow is the first one I guess. Then there is the ct scan later in May. The results. More scans in months to come. At the end of it all, you can't live scan to scan wondering if the cancer will come back. You just gotta live. I have no idea what the scan in May will say. I believe that the treatment worked and I have been healed and cured. But human nature and doubt is a bitch, ain't it? Spoke to a friend today, who asked how I was dealing with the "post treatment" time. He asked if the waiting for results would be grinding on my nerves. I told him that if it did, there would be some dark days ahead. I'm sure many cancer patients go through that. The worry, the doubt, the uncertainty. I hope I learned a little more than that the last few months. I choose life. I choose knowledge in knowing that God has given me peace in whatever circumstance that life throws at you.
About ten years ago, I went on a mission trip to Africa. I went with my Pastor Darryl, his daughter Nadine and my buddy Dave. We went hut to hut and told people about Jesus. That trip changed my life. I had my video camera with me the whole trip and documented everything on film. When I came back, I made a highlight video. It was set to a song by Jars of Clay called Worlds Apart and a song by Third Day called Show Me Your Glory. Specific lyrics from each of these songs expressed exactly how I felt after the trip.
To love you, Take my world apart
To need you, I am on my knees
To love you, Take my world apart
To need you, broken on my knees
I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know I'll never be the same
Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I want to see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord
When I climb down the mountain
And get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again
There are a few events that happen in my life where I look back and realize that I will never be the same again after what just happened. My world has been shaken or torn apart but for the better. Some things that come to mind obviously is getting married and the birth of my child. Add to that list, that missions trip. And now...cancer. I know I will never be same. I even felt that way this Sunday after the most amazing Easter Sunday service at my church. I felt so moved by everything that happened that I remember saying to myself, wow, I will never be the same after that. Haha, I used to dread Easter services cause they were so boring, well not at our church.
I had a date night with June tonite. We put Rhys to bed and then watched a dvd I rented. Big date night. We watched Country Strong- there was this one line of advice in the movie, where Gwenyth Paltrow tells a young up an comer to remember to love as many things as you can, cause that's all that really matters. I thought that was pretty powerful. Might add that to my "there's always something more we can do" mantra.
Will keep everyone posted on the doctors appointments and results as soon as I get them. Will announce where the celebration/ post oscars-type bash/ after party will be.
Peace out dudes (as my daughter would say)
love you Gil xox
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