Day 20

June and I sat around last night and talked about how surreal this whole experience has been.  One day we are going about our way and routines.  She was driving Rhys to gym class, music class, grandma's, and then off to work.  I was driving out to Coquitlam, working for Coke.  Then boom- now our days consist of driving to the cancer clinic, blood tests, pharmacy, along with the regular routine.  It all happened so quickly that we keep asking each other how we are doing.  June wants to know how I am feeling physically- every cough or sneeze or shortness of breath is a cause for inquiry.  I keep asking June how she is holding up, emotionally.  The honest truth is that we are both doing better than what we imagined we would in this kind of situation.  Our friends ask us the same questions, perhaps wondering if we are bottling things inside or just trying to keep a brave front.  I wondered about that and today, God answered all my questions in the span of one church service.  God has spoken to me in many different ways throughout my life, but sometimes, he just uses the absolute straight up approach.  I am amazed.

The day started with June off to church to practice for singing on the worship team and Rhys and I hanging out in the morning.  Rhys said, " I love you Dada" (the best way for any father to start his day, hands down)

We went to church and there was my wife singing with the worship team and here are some of the words she sang.  Even though she was singing in front of the whole church, I felt like she was singing just to me.

Faithfulness none can deny


Through the storm and through the fire


There is truth that sets me free


Jesus Christ who lives in me



You are stronger, You are stronger      

Sin is broken, You have saved me    


It is written, Christ is risen     

Jesus You are Lord of all


    


No beginning and no end        


You're my hope and my defense           


You came to seek and save the lost     


You paid it all upon the cross





So let Your Name be lifted higher  

Be lifted higher            

Then another song:

Cause You are the God of the broken

The friend of the weak

You wash the feet of the weary

Embrace the ones in need

And I want to be like you Jesus

To have this heart in me

You are the God of the humble

You are the humble King

Then Pastor Ken spoke and it was like I was the only person in the entire church.  He preached about how Jesus may lead us down a radical path that we didn't expect.  He read out Matthew 11:28-30

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Then he gave a quote from Thomas Merton:

Unnatural, frantic, anxious work, work done under pressure of greed or fear is never willed directly from God.  

I began to understand that the peace that June and I have been experiencing is real.  We truly trust God in taking us through this radical experience regardless of the outcome.  I said to June that the true test of our faith may come if things take a turn for the worse.  June said, we will handle that if we get there.  We are not there yet, but Thursday was the first day where it hit me that chemo wasn't always going to be as good as round 1 was.  The fact that my white blood cell count was dangerously low and that might affect whether my round 2 was going to be delayed did get my attention.  Things have been good, but let's not forget we are fighting frickin cancer here.  But through all the back and bone pain from the extra meds and having June stab me with a needle 3 days in a row...there was still peace.

Back to the church service, June was singing to me again.

Broken I run to you 

For  Your arms are open wide

I am weary but I know

Your touch restores my life

I'm falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus You're all this heart

Is living for

And then the final song:

Falling on my knees in worship

Giving all I am to seek your face

Lord all I am is yours

My whole life

I place in your hands

God of Mercy

Humbled I bow down

In your presence at your throne

I called you answered

And you came to my rescue and I

I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high

In our world be lifted high

In our love be lifted high

I am sure some people might read this and go, "coincidence, lucky, or-all church songs and sermons are about that stuff".   I just know that God provides everything I need to get through this life,  one day at a time.  

Day 1 of round 2 tomorrow if my white blood cells are at 1%.  The journey continues...