May 30, 2011

June and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary this weekend.  It was extra special because we realize that the last few months have really highlighted our wedding vows.  For better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  Not just words on a sweaty index card anymore.  We spent some time reminiscing about the highlights of the last five years.   We decided to focus on the highlights as the lowlights may have taken too long.

People often look for a partner based on many different criteria.  I am no different.  Most people tell me that June is way too hot for me.  I agree.  But funny is the new sexy, yo.  Sorry, where was I going. Right.  At the end of the day, you want your wife/husband to be the person who will be by your side when you are at your absolute worst.  Not only beside you but often in front of you dragging your sorry ass out of the pit you have fallen into.  I am proud to say that I have found that in June.

Happy Anniversary June.  I believe the traditional 5 year gift is wood.  This is not a joke.  That is what google told me.  (stop laughing Andis)

May 27, 2011

So I went to the doctors today.  He said all the aches and pains I am feeling are normal.  Apparently my body has a heightened sense due to my immune system trying to get back to normal.  So my body reacts to every foreign thing more so than before.  Made me feel like superhero (although I look the part of villain- lex luther, apparently).  That was good news.  The blood work all came back normal.  I stopped by the chemo ward to say hi to the staff.  I try to do that whenever I am in the area.  It's funny how some of the nurses react to seeing me.  Nowhere else would the reaction of, "what the heck are you doing back?" can be taken as a positive.  I tell them I am just visiting and a huge relief comes over their face.  You can't fake that kind of reaction.  Even as my last treatment was weeks ago, I continued to be amazed by the staff at the cancer clinic.  I know it's their job but you can tell they truly care about how you are doing.

I ran into another patient that I met previously.  Sandy and her support person Joanne.  Sandy is halfway through her treatment and Joanne is her trusted friend.  I told them that I was cancer free.  They were ecstatic.  In life, people are usually happy for you to a certain degree.  Celebrating one's successes may also come with jealousy and a twinge of "why him and not me".  Not so in the cancer world.  There are so many people losing the battle that when you hear of someone winning one, it becomes personal.  I felt the same way when I was in treatment and people came back to tell the nurses that they had been pronounced cancer free.  It filled me with joy and gave me hope.  I think that's what Sandy felt today.  Hope that she would win her battle too.  I told her that I would continue to pray for her and keep fighting.  She fought back some tears and wished me best of luck.  She was also pleased that my hair was beginning to grow back.  She can't wait for hers to do the same.


Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
                                                                                                              Hebrews 11:1

May 25, 2011

I have this pain on the left side of my body.  Just underneath my rib cage.  It only hurts when I bend down to pick up something.  Those doctors at the clinic leave nothing to chance.  I called and explained the pain to a nurse and I am back in there tomorrow for blood work and x-rays.  I assume it is just the residual aches and pains from the chemo recovery.  The numbness in my hands is annoying (but that could also be from playing Angry Birds)

As you know, I am widely regarded as the cheapest man on the planet.  June's friend, Glo, calls me, GDG- stands for "good deal gil".  Nowadays, I kind of look at money a little differently.  Not that I am making it rain everywhere I go (that means spending money like it's water), but it is all about perspective.  I don't go to 3 different grocery stores to buy 6 things,  looking for deals.   My time is worth more than the 2 bucks that I may have saved.  Mind you, I still analyze every purchase like I am stepping into mortgage, then I realize that I have been standing there in Winners for 20 minutes mulling over a t-shirt for $15.   Our household has also gone organic.  Including meat.  I thought that would kill us financially.  June makes it work by spending the same amount of money on the organic meat as we would regular meat.  So instead of a huge pack from costco, we get less meat.  The budget stays intact and we just eat less meat and more veggies.  Living in a world where convenience doesn't always equal healthy, the importance of food is something I realize I had neglected for a long time.  The Macdonalds head office called my cell and asked if I was  ok as I have not been sighted in any of their locations for months.  They were concerned that something had happened to me and also profits for the last quarter had dipped significantly due to my absence which led to the stock dropping a few percentage points and the shareholders were beginning to panic.

Ah well- have you ever had the Veggie burger at Vera's?  Tastes like a regular burger to me!

May 24 2011

It has been over a week.  A week of contemplation.  Maybe a little celebration but not really.  Obviously being pronounced cancer free is a relief and cause for a little partying.  But it wasn't like that.  Reality sets in real quick.  I have already received my next appointment date in July.  More blood tests and x-rays.  I know that the cancer is gone but there are still quite a few reminders of its temporary occupancy in my body.  The aches and pains.  The bruising on my hands from the needles.  Numbness in the fingertips.  The fatigue seems to still be there.  It is kind of weird to nap longer than your 2 year old daughter.  I sleep when she sleeps.  Still trying to process everything that has happened.  I reread some of my blog.  I've kept every email of encouragement that everyone wrote me.   Still seems pretty surreal even now.  I am still amazed at the calmness during the last few months.  A calm that has continued.   I didn't spend a lot of time questioning why I got sick.(again a surprise as June usually calls me Blame-atron because of my tendency to try and pinpoint the why and who of dilemmas)  My pastor's sermon on Sunday gave me a deeper understanding of suffering and perseverance.  How suffering refines us and makes us more like Jesus.  It's funny how things happen for a reason but the reasoning isn't always clear to you when you are going through it.  I may just be too dense to see it at first.  But then you look back and reflect on what happened and you realize that everything happens for a reason, good or bad.

My pastor loves using visual aids to drive his points home.  Last sunday he showed a clip from Rocky Balboa, the last installment of the Rocky series. 

"It's not how hard you get hit, but how hard you get hit and keep moving forward"- deep words from Mr Sly Stallone.  Makes a lot of sense though. 

What now?  Life never stopped for us during this time of sickness.  It slowed down a little.  A few things on pause. Now we move forward with hopes of adding to our brood and possibly moving to a larger place.  Rhys now prays for other people with cancer as part of her nightly prayer.   I am reminded and pray for those who's life path crossed with mine in our time of trial.  I pray for those who are battling this disease.

Keith, Marie, Susan, Walter, Soot Tang, Mrs Thornton, Patrick, Frank, Caron, Beverly, Marie, Janice, Tom, Adrian, Beth, Bill, Ross, Reinaldo, Brian, Lori, Mr Shee, Mrs Zhang, Anne, Awnavie, Chi, Dominic, Helena, Anne, Ian, Harvey, Dennis, Michael, Danny, Gary, Brooke, Dave, June, Bill, Carrie, Ruth, Debbie, Helen, Eden, Fran, Stacey, Sarah, Charlotte, Lisa, Tracy, Kara, Adele, Anna, Sue, Franzisca, Irene, Angie, Jen, Rav, Ruby, Vic, Timothy, Cheryl, Valerie, Candice, Catherine, Ben, Linda, Ron, Sandy, Joanne, Donna, Margaret, Lynn, and Ian.

These are some of the patients and nurses that I met during my treatment.  I don't think I will ever forget some of them.  I pray that as they battle and fight, there is peace.

POST CHEMO: Day 1

I decided to restart the days.  A post-chemo blog now.   And I think I am going to keep blogging.  Seems to be very therapeutic for me.  Just in case anything was lost in translation from the last blog, let me explain further the medical prognosis.  Back in January, they found a growth in my abdomen that was cancerous and about 5 cm long, 2 cm wide.  This was the main concern. The doctor said there was 2 possible scenarios.  1. The chemo would kill the cancer cells and leave a mass of dead cells that would require surgery to remove.  2. chemo would kill the cancer cells and shrink the mass to the point it is completely gone.  My ct scan last week showed that the mass was completely gone and I would not need surgery.  The chances of cancer coming back are now slimmer than before, less than 10 percent.  In all likelihood, a very good prognosis.  Now begins the recovery and just letting my body heal, mostly the inside.  Doctor said that most patients try and argue for more time off and I wanted less.  We agreed on taking it one step at a time and take it slow.

I am sure I will see you all very soon.  I know there will be a time to celebrate.  Right now, I am just slowly taking it all in.  Just trying to figure out my recovery time.  There are some lifestyle changes that need to be made.  When I got a call from my cousin Ken in England yesterday, it made me realize something very important.  Although I am the one who had the cancer, everyone that I knew and cared about went through it with me.  You guys were all there with me.  It wasn't just about me fighting.  So many people worried and waited for updates and stressed over my condition.  So many people were relieved when I gave good news. With social media, there is no hiding anymore.  Good news or bad, it gets out quick(thank you facebook).  I hope that my faith in God that kept me sane through all this isn't something we glance over.  I hope that we can speak openly and that I can share what it means to have a relationship to God and to live a life  that has Him in control.   Could be easy to say now because the cancer is gone.  But I would like to think that this blog wouldn't be much different even if I had gotten a negative prognosis.

Oh and one more thing...

Go, Canucks, go!

THE RESULT! Days 88-89

Sorry. Blogsite was down. So I couldn't update my tests results. I am officially cancer free. The CT scan showed that the enlarged lymph node has completely disappeared with no other signs of cancer activity. Of course there was another resident/intern. And of course he made me drop my pants and yes the unofficial count of people in the medical field that has seen my junk is 15 ( for those of you keeping track at home). I gotta say- when we got the news, I didn't freak out or scream out with joy. June and I were both very calm. I mean I was happy for sure but we seemed to be at peace. Just like we have been for the last few months. Now the last few days I had run every possible scenario in my mind. It's like the movie Limitless where Robert de Neiro says to Bradley Cooper, "There isn't a scenario in this life where you don't work for me!" As I ran each scenario, good or bad in my head, I began to realize that,"there isn't a scenario in this life that God isn't in control!" I wasn't confident about what the doctor was going to say. But I was confident about how I was going to handle the outcome. I was going to fight. And if the cancer comes back, that will be my attitude for the rest of my life. 

Surviving cancer is like winning an Oscar...

I would first like to thank GOD. And my wife June for sticking with me through the tough times. She really got a lemon of a husband and instead of complaining, she made lemonade. (or as Brock would say...chicken salad out of chicken...)
I would like to thank my family- mom, dad, Joan and Dan. You guys mean more to me than i could ever express in words.  Chris and Stevo for spending more time in chemo with me than some patients. My doctors and nurses. Big ups to Dr Murray and my favorite nurse, Carrie.  My boss Paul H for all the support. My partner in crime dave for everything. All the people that were praying for me. Pastor Darryl. Pastor Ken. Pastor Steve. Pastor James. So many more people I need to thank(cue the- get off the stage music). My buddies jay, ANDIS, chuck, dix, rob- who treated me the same and made me forget I was sick. Cat for checking up on me daily to see how I was feeling. My homegroup. I know I'm forgetting someone...

My doctor walked in and said "mission accomplished". I Thought to myself-  the mission has just begun. 


Sent from my iPhone

Day 86-87

Chris took me up to Whistler for some relaxation.  We certainly aren't young anymore.  We drove up Monday morning.  Hung out in the afternoon by walking around the village and sitting outside a Starbucks patio.  We watched the Canucks game at a bar surrounded by a bunch of loud, drunk locals that were probably half our age.   We were in our separate queen size beds by 9:30.  Could we BE any more old.

For the last couple of months, I have cherished the experiences and time spent with loved ones more and more.  Going through the chemo schedule I had wasn't exactly conducive to going out and experiencing a ton of things.  I don't think I have that kind of personality or huztpah in me anyways.  You won't be seeing any pics of me bungy jumping or running a marathon or sky diving.  Not my cup of tea.  But I do believe in experiencing new things.  I am finally going to learn how to swim this summer in a swim class for adults.

Today, Chris brought me to a Scandinavian spa up at Whistler.  Another new experience.  You start off in a steam bath that was so hot, I was drenched in my own sweat in about 2 minutes.   You stay in there or 15 minutes and then go jump in a freezing cold outdoor pool.  The heat is supposed to release your toxins and then the cold water closes your pores. It's supposed to be good for the immune system.  After that, you spend some time in a solarium and then repeat the cycle using a hot tub and then sauna.  Anyone reading this, please don't tell my mom or she will have Chris shot.  Getting away from the city was nice, and Whistler is always such a beautiful place.  When I used to ski, I would always admire the Japanese people that I met up on the mountain.  Their take on life is unique.  They work hard and then they play hard.  I remember meeting people that would work for 6-8 months of the year, 7 days a week.  Then they would take the next 4-6 months and spend it skiing in Whistler.  Now that's living.  Work hard, play hard.  How's that for balance?

Day 84-85

I started this blog so I could update people on my medical condition.  Then it became a therapeutic avenue for myself.  The freedom to share my faith as well as my medical condition.  So to be totally transparent, I have to admit that I had a few bad days last week.  I read about cancer patients getting depressed during the  time span when they finish their treatment and awaiting news.  I laughed when I read that. Although I handled it fairly well (PTL), chemo was still bad and I was very happy that it was over.  I couldn't understand why anyone would be sad that it would be over.  Well, for a few days last week, I began to understand.  I felt a little bit scared because I had my CT scan and have to wait a week for results.  My mind started playing tricks on me.  What if the cancer isn't gone?  Now I know deep down that my life cannot be just about living from scan to scan or living in fear of what might happen.  If the last 80 some odd days have shown me anything, it is that God is so much bigger than this life.
Whether I am gonna be around for the next 40 years or the next 40 days, I have already been changed.

To value and cherish this life but to know that there is more to it than that- and that doesn't change no matter what any doctor says.  The changes in me have already happened and are not contingent on any CT results.  It took a few conversations with June, my brother and some close friends to snap me out of it.  I know it is human nature to expect the worst and the pessimistic side of me creeps out once in a while.  I heard 2 sermons this weekend.  Two different preachers speaking on two different topics but I got the same message from both.  God wants the best for me, and wants me to have a relationship with him- a father and son relationship.  Once that is in place, nothing else will matter.  Not pain, not suffering, not disease.  Faith like a child-  something that Rhys teaches me everyday.  She trusts me as her daddy- trusts that I want the best for her.  She sometimes cries and tantrums because what I want isn't what she wants but at the end of it all, she realizes that I know best.  It just takes some time to see it.  I am patient with her as I expect that God is patient with me when I doubt or question His will for me.


Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. —Psalm 37:3

And now the infamous picture of the the "chamber"

Day 82-83

Chest x- ray done. CT scan done. Have drunk roughly 6 liters of water in last 24 hours. The scan technician hooks up a needle to my veins and pumps dye into me. Then she tells me I may feel a warm sensation from the top of my head to my rectum. Not what you want to hear when you got a bladder about to explode. I thought to myself- the warm sensation could be the dye or I pee'd myself. I also took a pic of the "chamber". Will post tomorrow. 6 days for results. Will try to keep my mind off things and concentrate on cheering for the canucks. Peace.

Day 77-81

James 4:7-10 (The Message)

 ^7-10So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.






This was the passage of the bible in my daily devotion.  In summary, this passage reminded me to submit to God.  I realize that I need to rely on God even more today than round 1, 2, 3, and 4 of chemo.  It was a physical thing during chemo.  In the aftermath, it's now a mental thing.  As I wait to do my blood tests on Thursday, my CT scan on Friday and then the results a week later- it's quite easy to fall into a state of worry or mental torment.  Instead, I pray for peace.  That last line about getting on your knees to end up on your feet is ironic.  Tonight at bedtime, I taught Rhys to pray on her knees by her bedside for the first time.  She prayed for everyone that she hung out with today-Gramma, Grampa, Uncle Dan, Momma, Dada, and Uncle Ray.  Then she farted and asked me to change her diaper cuz she farted. I said no, so she threw a tantrum and then went to bed.  Ah the fun never stops at the Yeung household.


Now that treatment is over doesn't mean this journey is over.  A nurse told me the other day how her cousin, after years of being cancer free, is still a complete wreck a week before each scan.  Will I live life in fear, from scan to scan? Will life be on hold for me just because the future is uncertain?  Or will I continue to put my trust in God, who has led me through the last 3 months unscathed (except for some minor hair loss).  Stay tuned for more action when return from these messages...